Fear

Written by Hannah Downing (MSc, MBACP), Psychodynamic Psychotherapist, 

hannah@enter-therapy.co.uk 

When I think of what brings up feelings of fear, I think of risks or dangers on either a physical or emotional level.

I was browsing through a children’s book on emotions recently and in the section on fear, there was a point about how fear can be useful. There were a number of examples given and all of which were about how fear can protect us from physically injuring oneself (e.g. fear of burning yourself would prevent you from touching something hot or fear of tripping on something would motivate you to move the object out of the way). 

I wonder at times if, due to what is perhaps a collective avoidance of our own fears, if very little is communicated or thought about in relation to the internal fears that we might have, i.e. our fears relating to certain emotions coming up. We might be fearful of events that could lead to particular emotions being triggered. This could be fear of anger, fear of sadness, fear of fear even and indeed, perhaps even fear of any of the uncomfortable emotions coming up. 

Fear is uncomfortable and I don’t think there is any way around that. It perhaps all begins in early childhood and if you have ever seen a little frightened child, you can get a sense of where the avoidance of this might have begun, especially if preoccupied parents (or indeed, parents avoiding their own fear) could so easily and unknowingly encourage their children to do the same. Fear can make us feel weak and it can feel debilitating. Fear has the capacity to make us tremble and lose our ability to think or speak clearly. It can be felt in the stomach and can often lead to digestive problems. This goes against society’s unspoken expectations to appear as fine, strong and well. 

If we consider fear of fear, we can begin to see how the very feeling of being frightened (which is natural), could lead to even more intense feelings of fear. The intensity could then begin spiralling out of control. This begins to show how we could so easily develop coping mechanisms in attempts to avoid feelings of fear altogether and indeed, to avoid any of the uncomfortable feelings associated with fear. 

At the root of these coping mechanisms, was once a child at home. Where fears are natural, if the child had little or no healthy models available to them to cope with their fears, they may have quite literally felt “stuck” or “frozen” in fear. The child would then feel motivated to not only become unstuck but to avoid being stuck again. As adults, we can step out of the house. Just like the children’s book that points out the positive use of fears to prevent physical injuries, if we allow our fears to exist enough to be able to think about them and explore them, we can also use fear positively to prevent or heal from emotional injuries. 

One example of how fear can be used positively is in relation to boundaries. If something someone has done has frightened me, if I feel my fear, I can then think about how this has happened. This might be down to something within myself from my past or something that the other person has done to me. If it is down to something the other has done to me, I might decide to put some boundaries in place in relation to that person. Through this process, I would remain connected to myself and learn more about myself. 

Therapy aims to provide a safe setting in which to explore emotions which can exist safely, be acknowledged, permitted and be spoken about. If you would like to book an initial session with me to explore how we might be able to work together in this area, please feel welcome to contact me.